NDP Volunteers Take to Beachcombing to Fund Campaign Promises

Dozens of NDP volunteers have been spotted beachcombing near Blanchet Beach in Gatineau, according to an anonymous lifeguard.

The source claims that last week around 7am, a faded yellow school bus parked in front of Blanchet beach, and a dozen seemingly reluctant volunteers in orange and green swim trunks left the vehicle. The possible leaders, two men wearing business jackets tucked into their jeans, exited the bus—one of them holding a bag labelled “Mulcombs,” and the other holding a box labelled “Mulberries.”

The lifeguard (who ate his I.D. the moment I identified myself as press) was not aware of any group coming to visit the beach that morning; and was surprised as they proceeded to investigate surreptiously around the entire area.

“It didn’t look like beachcombing at all — none of them had that long, metal gun that farts sound into the sand.  All they had were big magnets, and a rake. I guess they didn’t bring enough magnets because two people had to share the rake,” shouted the lifeguard.

The atmosphere became more hostile when volunteers began to complain of dehydration and “rake fatigue”. One of the leaders became irate and began throwing berries aggressively in the air, disturbing the volunteers, and immediately went back to work.

“He was dead silent when he threw them – I’ve never been so scared that early in the morning.”

Shortly after 11 that morning, with only three dollars in change and a broken rake, the entire crew trudged back on the bus and left the beach.

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