Jim Watson to Marry the Year 2017

In an attempt to further increase the hype in Ottawa for Canada’s 150th anniversary, Jim Watson has announced he will marry the year 2017. With a star-studded lineup of events coming next year, Watson’s marriage will surely be one of the highlights.

News breaks nearly every other week with more events being announced to celebrate Canada’s sesquicentennial party. “We just want the whole world to know how excited Canada is to be turning 150,” says Watson. “My marriage to the year 2017 will be one of the things people will remember both about me and about the big one-five-oh.” The celebrations will include Red Bull Crashed Ice, the Junos, the Video Game Awards, a huge fireworks show, an interprovincial picnic on a bridge, an Inspiration Village with art from all over the country, a special Winterlude exhibit, all the music festivals pulling in well-known artists and acts from around the world, and hundreds of smaller community events. Despite all of this, Watson asks “Can they really compare to me marrying the entire year?” This is truly a classic story of boy meets year, boy falls in love with year, boy plans massive national party for year, and they both grow old together.

Ottawhat News spoke with legal expert Henrik Evangelikos about the legality of a man marrying a year. “It’s the first such case I’ve heard of, but according to an old case dated November 8th, 1886, the Supreme Court of Ontario ruled that a man was able to marry his pocket-watch, thereby essentially marrying time.” The marriage to a pocketwatch is said to have raised questions concerning whether he was only married to the watch for the span of time it was operating. “I think with the right judge, Mayor Jim Watson could actually be allowed to marry time, specifically a section of time with the time in question being the year 2017,” explained Evangelikos. “After December 31st 2017, however, he will no longer be allowed to claim a marriage status because the time period in question would no longer exist. He would instead claim widowed status.”

When asked if he was alright about becoming a widower after the end of 2017, a close friend to Watson said, “I think it’s beautiful, getting married knowing that it won’t last forever. He will cherish every day he has with 2017, and he’ll really grow as a person and as a Mayor. Besides, after it’s all over, he’ll have his new train set in 2018 to keep his spirits up.”

The Mayor did not indicate whether he will be buying a ring for 2017 or discuss any details for the wedding.

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